


Just me?

by giveMeCoffeeOrPerish



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21626011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giveMeCoffeeOrPerish/pseuds/giveMeCoffeeOrPerish
Summary: After their break up, tsukki deals with depression while Yamaguchi seems fine. Or is Yamaguchi just faking it?
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Just me?

**Author's Note:**

> This was really sad, like oh my God I cried so much. Anyway, hope you like it  
> Song: Is it just me?  
> Artist: Emily Burns

"It's been way too long for me to find it this hard. Sitting alone, my fingers picking the sofa apart."

Why did he break up with me? It shouldn't hurt me. I'm not fragile, he is. Yamaguchi is fragile and I'm cold-hearted. So why I am the one crying all alone in my room? I haven't even touched my headphones in weeks. I hear a knock on the door. It opens without me answering, and Shrimp comes in with a bag. He sets it down and talks about something. I can't hear him. After a while he leaves. Why did he come? I need something. But what?

"In an attempt to distract me from the fact that I miss you."

What can I do to get his damn freckled face off my mind. Or his soft lips? Or the way he loves buttery popcorn? Or how he would watch dinosaur documentaries with me till 2am? What can I do to get the love of my life off my mind? There's only one thing I can think of.

"I wonder if your friends had to carry you home and stay for the night because they didn't want to leave you alone."

I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have gone to a club with Hinata and Noya. And I shouldn't have gotten drunk. All I remember from then is that I woke up with Noya and Hinata crashing on my couch. Did they stay for me?

"Way before it was fun, now it's becoming an issue."

I remember when Yama and I were dating and we'd go to the club and get drunk and dance. Then go home and have sex. And I'd wake up to him making me breakfast. But I shouldn't be drinking without him. But I go every night now.

"And I know it's cruel, but I want you to be tortured too."

I want him to feel the same pain as me. The same pain when I wake up and he's not there.

"Tell me does you heart stop, at the party, when my name drops."

Does he feel the same when someone says  
"Fuck Tsukki." Does he go crazy? Do he still get mad when someone talks trash? If so, why won't he tell me?

"Like you stood at the platform when the trains cross."

I wonder if when he's mad, he still stands at the place where we first kissed. The place where we broke up. When he broke up with me, I walked off. And when I looked back. He was just standing there.

"Are you hurting, yeah, you must be."

He....has.... to.....hurt.....as..much....as....me.

"Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside, when I say we broke up and they ask why."

I remember that when I told Daichi that I'd take a leave on practice, and he asked what happened. I couldn't speak. Couldn't think. I just stared at him. I was confused. But I wanted to tell him it hurt. I wanted someone to talk to, and in a normal day, I'd talk to Yamaguchi. But I can't. 

"Are you crying in the shower like a freak?"

We'd go to the club after practice on Friday, and we all know what to drink guys do when they get home. But I couldn't. I was reduced to jerking off in the shower, and I could only imagine his body beneath mine, his delicious moans.

"Or is it just me?"

I need to stay strong. I broke up with Tsukki. I ended it. But it still hurt. I hadn't seen Tsukki in awhile, he's probably not thinking about me. He was always the strongest. But he was so gentle with me. I was like a puppy to him. He told me he needed someone like me.

"I heard a rumour that you've been spending some time with that blonde girl that you work with, and I know she's just your type."

I heard from Kageyama that he saw Tsukki with Yachi the other day. Apparently she went to his house to study. Now that I think about it, she would be perfect for him. She small so he could carry her. Gentle and patient, sweet and talented. They'd be a poster couple.

"And my miserable mind is running wild with the picture."

I can see it already. Two kids. A dog. Nice house too. Big yard. Yachi makes dinner, and when Tsukki walks through the door he kisses her. His wife. They'd probably invite me to dinner, and ask if I was still single. Their kids would call me Uncle Yama. It all comes together.

"Or are you there by yourself, dialing and redialing my number?"

What if I was just overthinking? I do that all the time. What if he was miserable? Slowly going insane, just like me? Constantly thinking of when we were together?

"And I'm calling your mother, there's tears on my jumper."

I know, I'll call his mom.  
*Tsukki's point of view*  
"Hi Tsukishima!"  
"Hey, is Yamaguchi there?"  
"Umm, he's on the phone. Can I give a message?"  
"I'm, never mind. Just tell him I said hello."  
"Okay, bye bye!"

Yamaguchi's point of view  
"Hello, is Tsukki there?"  
"Nope, he's on the phone, can I take a message?" Yachi answers. I can't cry. I just hang up. I have to get out of here.

"The way I am. And I know it's cruel but I hope you're tortured too."

After I hang up, I turn to Yachi. She said that Yamaguchi just called. He called me? He was on the phone with me? While I was trying to call him? Oh my God, he is such a dork. I want to see him. I need to see him. I know where I can see him.

"Tell me does your heart stop, at the party when my name drops."

I remember the night I broke up with him, I went to the club with Suga and Daichi. And someone asked where Tsukki was. Suga told them that we broke up. He then proceeded to tell me that it was better this way. Then he said  
"Fuck Tsukki."  
That was the last straw. I stood up and kicked the guy in the nuts. It drove me insane. No one insults Tsukki.

"Like you stood at the platform when the trains cross."

I remember the day I confessed to him after I made my speech. He bent down and kissed me. Then he walked away. He always was the one to walk away first. But I walked away first from the best thing that has ever happened to me.

"Are you hurting, yeah you must be."

It has to hurt as much as it hurts me.

"Or is just me?"

Is it only me? I needed to get away. I want to see there one last time. The place. Our place.

"Tongue-tied, screaming on the inside, when I say that we broke and they ask why."

I remember when I told Suga that we broke up. He gave me the classic mom hug. When he pulled back, he asked if I wanted to talk. I couldn't answer. I think I may have stuttered a bit. But in the end, I couldn't tell him.

" Are you crying in the shower like a freak?"

And when I would start doubting myself, Tsukishima would slap me. Then he would pull me into a passionate kiss, and while having sex, would kiss a part of me a praise it. I always felt so confident around Tsukishima. He would just love me.

"Or is it just me?"

Am I alone in pain? In this relationship? Would it be better to forget? I can't go back. I'm already two thirds of the way there. I noticed I was running at full speed, crying. Would Tsukki be there? Or was he with Yachi? Am I the freak?

"Cause this one whole of a lot easier. God, I know it's selfish but it's true."

Is he there? Is all my effort worthless? I need Yamaguchi to be mine. He can't be any one else's. Mine. Only mine. My little freckled boyfriend.

"If under some cold exterior, you're all fucked up too."

Please say that he needs me as much as I need him. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Mine. What if under his harshness, is that same dinosaur loving boy who kisses me when I cry. Please be there.

(Author note. The song continued, but I decided to cut it off here. Anything with quotation marks is actually conversation.)

I walked up to the exact spot. There was a crack making a lopsided heart in the concrete. It was fairly late, and I was in my pajamas. The moon had just begun to rise.  
"Tsukishima-kun?"

Without even turning around, he yelled at me.  
"Don't call me that. I'm your boyfriend. Call me by my name damnit."  
I looked at the tall boy. His blonde hair and glasses. He was wearing his dinosaur pajamas as well.  
"But I broke up with you-"  
"STOP. Just stop!" He yelled with a cracked voice. He turned around and I saw his face. There were bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, but they were also red because of the tears that streamed down his cheeks. He was looking at his feet.  
"Kei, look at me." He looked at me. He was as desperate as me. He missed me. And I missed him.  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have broken up. It was stupid. I love you and-" I was stopped by Kei's lips against mine l. Just like when I confessed. But this time he stayed after the kiss  
"Just don't leave again."  
"Promise."  
"Can you kiss me again?"  
"I suppose so."


End file.
